I realize I disappeared for over a month. I guess there was a good reason...
I didn't turn on my laptop for just about that much time. And when I don't turn on the computer, I rarely type. I even realized that I wasn't answering text messages like I normally do.
I was severely hypothyroid, in preparation for the Radioactive Iodine treatment on May 24th. I had to go off the medication for 5 weeks, which means without a thyroid, I was bottoming out. And honestly, I don't really even remember the drive to the treatment, or part of the days afterward.
I knew I had to be away from the children for a week, because they couldn't be exposed to the radiation that was coming out of my body. So, my parents took care of the children while I hid out in the cabin. Like I said, there are holes in my memory, because I was running on empty. What I do remember?
I remember showing up to the hospital to receive treatment, reading ten pages of forms and signing my life away, then being handed a tiny capsule to swallow. I thought to myself, "this is IT?" then I was pushed out the door to start my drive to the cabin.
Actually, my endocrinologist quoted Eddie Murphy from a movie, THEN pushed me out the door to get down the road. And he warned me not to throw up in the car or on the side of the road, because that would be a nuclear accident. Fantastic...
I slept for about 19-21 hours of the first three days. I knew I was overtired, and I was in the darkest room for sleeping. It was a good thing that I had slept so much, but I was also worried that I wasn't monitoring myself like I would like. I knew I was alone in this, so I at least had to be aware if something was wrong.
After a few days, I was going stir-crazy. A few friends had wondered how it would work out: an extrovert like me being stuck in the woods alone for a week. I could be around people on day 4, I just couldn't be around little kids for extended periods. So, I went for drives, stopped in little shops for short periods, and twiddled my thumbs until I could go home again.
I did have a few adventures along the way. I scoured my favorite used bookstore (McKay), and found some books to read for the remainder of my stay. I picked up a natural living newspaper, found an ad for a pizza place, and decided to go visit.
The experience? I came into Lupi's, marveled at the tree sculptures and psychedelic twinkling lights on the ceiling, and decided to try something different. It was definitely something out of the norm for me, and I decided to embrace the experience. My taste was also altered because of the medication, and so I wondered what would even taste normal.
The whole experience was anything but normal. It was a good experience, don't get me wrong. It was some of the best pizza I'd ever had. But listening to a man from suspected Polynesian descent belt out the lyrics to an old Elton John love duet under a disco ball, while twirling pizza dough.... This wasn't my typical pizza experience. I wondered if the medication was changing my perception, and then I realized I always notice stuff like this. I sent a message to my friend Robin, telling her briefly of the experience. Her response: "I'd love to see the world through your eyes. Even these brief glimpses are a treasure." I love that my life amuses her...
I hate malls. I can't stand how everyone is darting around in different directions, and it seems that people believe their agenda is the most important. Heaven forbid I get in the way of a lady trying to get to a Hollister sale. Nevertheless, I missed seeing people and I needed to go look at something. So the final two days, I spent my hours wandering around the mall looking at things. Actually, the mall is a pretty decent place in May- there's no real rush for anything.
I finally got to return home, and was thrilled to see the kids. I was also being watched because my calcium levels were still dipping. At this point, the doctor started to wonder what was going on. I was under a lot of stress, which doesn't help calcium levels at all. So, I had to start going to get blood work again, and we started to wonder what was going on with my body. My parathyroid glands were looking great, so this left some confusion about my body.
I looked pretty good, considering I was going through cancer treatment. Still, I felt miserable. I had sores down the inside of my nose and throat, my tongue was swollen, and my neck was tender. I couldn't taste food, and some food even tasted poisonous. I was incredibly tired because I had just started back on thyroid hormone medications, and it would take a while to get back to normal.
So, I did what any normal human being would do... I started teaching summer school. Through all of this, I have to remember I am a single parent and the one that is ultimately responsible for the care of the kids. So, I take any opportunity to build up additional income, knowing they are getting their tonsils out in July, and I will be the parent that has to pay for the surgery up front (and wonder if I will receive half back...). Summer school only has one week left, so I guess we could say I survived. I could make it through the days better if I wasn't so TIRED. I wake up exhausted, and spend twenty minutes mentally preparing myself to get out of bed. I know that in a few more weeks, my thyroid hormone will be back to normal and I will feel like living again. I can't even imagine how nice it will be to feel normal.
I'll make an effort to catch up more at a later point (but soon, I promise!). I guess even typing and trying to remember things can wear me out. I have a lot of thoughts I wrote down in journals or on post-its during the past few months. Once I get a chance to convert them to normal human language, I'll make sure I update this post. :-)
