Packing Up 2012

Well, I am at the end of another year. 2012 was a big one for me, because of the project and turning 30. It was also the first year that I was completely, legally (well, for tax purposes, I guess) single. The single thing had already been happening off and on for a couple of years, but it was the first year that it was all me, and everything that happened to me and the kids was because of me. It was GREAT!!

Summarizing a year takes a little bit of time. I had to stretch my mind to think back to the beginning of last year.  On New Year's Eve of 2011, I sat down to write a list of things I wanted to do before turning 30. I published my first blog post, and started this wild and crazy adventure.

Over the past year, I continued losing weight from my highest weight (in 2010, post attack).  I am now, on the last day of December 2012, at 100.2 pounds less than my starting weight! That's a whole other person!!!

I guess you could look back at the list and see all of the cool things I did. Since that would be boring and tedious, I would like to throw out there some great memories from the year. 

I learned to play the drums, while stressing my drum instructor (and friend, Mandy) to the max. I would like to say I am a pro, but that would be lying. I will say that I gave it a lot of effort, and am ready to get back to practicing.

I took a couple of adventures this year. In April, we packed up the family in the Explorer and headed to New York for my father's 50th birthday!  In July, I traveled on a road trip to Indiana and Illinois (very briefly), and in October I flew cross-country to see my new nephew, as well as the sights of Washington.

What I missed? I didn't get to ride in the hot air balloon, but that's going to happen this spring. I didn't finish my list of books, which is crazy since I am a teacher. I realized I read tons of books though, just not "classics." Maybe I should have amended that rule...  The expensive bottle of wine? Didn't do it, and thought about it quite seriously.

I realized I wanted a big moment to commemorate the purchase of an expensive bottle. Even with my birthday, I didn't feel that was big enough.  I know something will eventually be coming up, and I will feel that warrants the purchase and consumption of expensive vino. Until then, I will just hold out hope. :-)

Ups and downs of the year? I was in a relationship for a better part of the year, and it ultimately ended. I just realized after that, and looking back on other relationships, that I don't run a shelter for lost and helpless men. Maybe that's too blunt, but I was growing tired of carrying people. More than anything, that renewed my hope in finding someone that can hold their own. 

I entered into another relationship that turned out to be just that, but sometimes people can be so responsible and attempt to take on too much. There's only so much one can control, so I had to bow out. Who knows what the future will hold with that, and I always look around at more options and the fact that the best things hit me when I am not looking.

I have made good friends, laughed a lot, did some writing, and thought a lot about the future. I submitted an application, made it to round 2 interviews, and was admitted for grad school for counseling, so that is something big to look forward to. I have big life changes, and our lives are moving pretty smooth.

I made it through a year of surgeries, and am glad all of that is done! Carly started out the year with tubes in her ears and her adenoids out.  I went on to have two leg surgeries, hoping to relieve pain and restore function post-attack. When we found out that the leg surgeries were going to leave me with pain in my back and legs for the rest of my life, I was referred to a surgeon for the option of a neurostimulator in my back. I completed the trial, saw big possibilities with pain relief and restoration of function, and jumped at the chance to get the implant. Now, I am sitting on the couch with much less pain, and a hope to join the world again.  I had been powering through and doing so much. I didn't realize how miserable I was while I pushed on. I guess I was in survival mode, and just knew I needed to do the things to make me and the kids ok. I didn't have a choice to be sick.  Now I know how miserable I was, and I hope to never get back there.

The year has been incredibly insightful, and I am excited I am now at a point to embrace 2013. Last year, it just felt like I was grasping at a life and hoping for change.  This year, I am incredibly confident in who I am, and what will be happening in years to come. It's a good feeling. :-)

In the beginning...

Every project of mine starts with scattered notes... Post-its are the worst.  I will write my ideas down as I think of them, and this usually means there are random comments and phrases scattered around my workspace.

I took quite a bit of time thinking about this project.  I already had a list of things in my head that I wanted to do before I turned 40.  I will admit that I already have lists of things for many more decades to come. I am a planner by nature, and I enjoy at least feeling like life's in order.  I took a look at where I wanted to be in my life at 40, and realized it was drastically different from 30.  There are some adventures I'd like to take, but I really want to settle down. I want to focus on family, and on raising children with a loving and supportive home.  I still want to have goals for my career and social life, but the main focus of my life at this point is making sure my children receive what they need to help them blossom.

I want to be sure not to neglect myself in the process, which is why I created a list of only ten items to be spread over 10 years. I want to enjoy the projects, and the planning involved.  I want to live my life without feeling rushed (because having children makes some days feel rushed as it is!). I am taking a good look at who I am today, and it's strange to think I will be sitting here in ten years taking another good look at my life.

I will spend more time later talking about the list, and why I chose those items. For now, I wanted to provide a list for those of you that click on the link from my past site.

Well, here it is!


1. Travel to New Orleans and visit the Before I Die Wall
2. Own a house with a wrap-around porch
3. Get a third tattoo
4. Get a second Masters Degree
5. Travel to NH/VT to see the Fall Foliage
6. Travel along the coast and take pictures of lighthouses
7. Visit Las Vegas and eat wedding cake from Freed's Bakery
8. Return to the beach, and REMEMBER it!
9. Write and publish my book
10. Create social change (this is vague, and for a reason. I'll explain more later...)


So, there you go! A list of ten items that I need to complete by the time I am 40. It's a list that's balanced with travel and life goals. I have been looking at many of these items for the past few years, so it's good to have them on paper. I'll be back to explain more later!