From a tiny seed...

Carly and I were riding around the Puyallup, WA area, and she was remarking how big the trees were in the area. This was true- the fantastically gigantic evergreens looked like they soared up to the sky.  She asked where trees like that came from, and my response was:

"No matter how big the tree, each tree comes from a tiny little seed. Somewhere along the way, this tiny little seed was buried, nurtured, and given the space to grow, and a gigantic tree came forth."

To which she responded: "how on Earth does that happen?"

Me: "Potential.  There's an amazing amount of potential in a tiny little seed. We all have the capacity for greatness already within us. And the capacity for a tree so great starts out in a tiny little seed."


I enjoy moments like that, when it seems I am having such an existential discussion with my daughter, and when I can glean some wisdom from it as well.

Lately, I've been struggling with my purpose. More specifically, I've been looking at how I can fulfill my purpose while maintaining my roles that I fill in my everyday life.  This has honestly taken a lot of introspection, a lot of thought about what makes me tick and what makes me thrive, and the decision that I don't want to live in a fog. I want to experience the world around me, and feel that I am leading a balanced life.

This means I took a look back to my roots, and examined how I came into the career of teaching special education. I'm not going to lie: when I was in college, I wanted nothing more than to write books about social issues, about groups of people and grand experiments.  I was making so many observations about the human condition, and I wanted to write something that would inspire great change.

But then I had to be an adult, and someone had to support the family while my ex finished school and went on to grad school. So, teaching was a logical choice, and special education had the greatest need.

Don't get me wrong; I love working with the students that I have in school.  The stress level is often more than I can handle while still being healthy, but I do it because I care deeply for those children. Still, I know that given the choice, my heart is in writing and researching and exploring the world around me. I love talking with people from all walks of life, and I know there is so much wisdom in my interactions with random people.

So, while thinking about all of these things, I thought about my potential. I knew I was intelligent in school, and it seemed that I could do pretty much anything I wanted to in life. But I underestimated my potential; somewhere along the way, I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough to be a scientist, engineer, or social researcher.  Somewhere along the way I decided that my dream needed to take a back seat to practicality.  There aren't a lot of things I regret in life, but this is one of them. I wish that I had believed in myself enough.

Of course, that could have changed the rest of my past. I know that one decision can affect so many things, and I don't want to undo all of the good that came along with these decisions. I guess at this point, all I can do is acknowledge this dream, and try to make it a reality.

From the tiny seed of my spirit can come great things. With the nurturing soil of my mind and the light from my optimistic and loving heart, I am sure to blossom. Thirty-one years old is not too old to decide that I am still destined for greatness.

In the beginning...

Every project of mine starts with scattered notes... Post-its are the worst.  I will write my ideas down as I think of them, and this usually means there are random comments and phrases scattered around my workspace.

I took quite a bit of time thinking about this project.  I already had a list of things in my head that I wanted to do before I turned 40.  I will admit that I already have lists of things for many more decades to come. I am a planner by nature, and I enjoy at least feeling like life's in order.  I took a look at where I wanted to be in my life at 40, and realized it was drastically different from 30.  There are some adventures I'd like to take, but I really want to settle down. I want to focus on family, and on raising children with a loving and supportive home.  I still want to have goals for my career and social life, but the main focus of my life at this point is making sure my children receive what they need to help them blossom.

I want to be sure not to neglect myself in the process, which is why I created a list of only ten items to be spread over 10 years. I want to enjoy the projects, and the planning involved.  I want to live my life without feeling rushed (because having children makes some days feel rushed as it is!). I am taking a good look at who I am today, and it's strange to think I will be sitting here in ten years taking another good look at my life.

I will spend more time later talking about the list, and why I chose those items. For now, I wanted to provide a list for those of you that click on the link from my past site.

Well, here it is!


1. Travel to New Orleans and visit the Before I Die Wall
2. Own a house with a wrap-around porch
3. Get a third tattoo
4. Get a second Masters Degree
5. Travel to NH/VT to see the Fall Foliage
6. Travel along the coast and take pictures of lighthouses
7. Visit Las Vegas and eat wedding cake from Freed's Bakery
8. Return to the beach, and REMEMBER it!
9. Write and publish my book
10. Create social change (this is vague, and for a reason. I'll explain more later...)


So, there you go! A list of ten items that I need to complete by the time I am 40. It's a list that's balanced with travel and life goals. I have been looking at many of these items for the past few years, so it's good to have them on paper. I'll be back to explain more later!